Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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