I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
