Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
