i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
