Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So squirting runs in the family.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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