Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize