just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
