Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
