Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
