I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
