Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
