Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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