I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
