i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
