You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
