I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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