I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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