My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
