I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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