oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
wow bdsm is so cute
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
