he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
