thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
