friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Is it penis luge time yet?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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