a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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