Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
