Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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