Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
