i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
