evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
