does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need a hoe opinion
go on
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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