I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
