High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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