pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
