I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
