So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
