I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
