I heard we made out
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
