I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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