sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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