umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
