i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
