Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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