You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
