Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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