the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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