I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
