It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think i have two assholes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
