I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
