what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
