1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
