ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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