If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize