I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
