i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
