I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
