the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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