his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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