hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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