Got a toothbrush?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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