i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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