Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
