I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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