i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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