..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i out mim tonsoeep
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