My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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