jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize