It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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