google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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