Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
