I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
