I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
