It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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