Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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