suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
