I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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