I CAN MOONWALK!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
