see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Girls should come with a carfax report
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
