i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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