he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
