I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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