im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
